Purity and Love
In Chapter 5, Homesick for Heaven, sixteen-year-old Katie Collins and her father, Ryan, are lying on the grass in their backyard, gazing at the stars. Katie decides to share a deeply personal thought:
“Sometimes I feel kind of empty inside, like I was once part of something very loving and absolutely magnificent! And now I’ve not only lost it, but I can’t even quite remember it … like I was once in a completely peaceful and safe place … a place more beautiful than anything I’ve ever experienced on earth, and now it’s gone … and I long for it, especially when everything seems to be going wrong. I’ve thought that maybe I’m trying to remember my life before this one, when I lived with our Heavenly Parents.”
Ryan replies, “Katie, that’s a very tender heart you have there. It sounds like you’re feeling homesick for heaven.”
I wonder, is feeling homesick for heaven a common experience? Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf seems to think so. In the October 2017 General Conference, he said:
“I believe that every man, woman, and child has felt the call of heaven at some point in his or her life. Deep within us is a longing to somehow reach past the veil and embrace Heavenly Parents we once knew and cherished.”
Doctrine and Covenants 93:29 Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made, neither indeed can be.
In the beginning we were with God, in a state of intelligence, about which very little has been revealed. We do know that intelligence is the light of truth, and that light, coming from the presence of God, gives life to all things (Doctrine and Covenants 88:11-13). Intelligence was not created or made, so from that most basic state of our life’s journey, we are co-eternal with God. It seems clear to me that the essence of life within our spirit bodies, which were created by our Heavenly Parents, is intelligence.
We are now separated from Father in Heaven. Our relatively brief sojourn on this earth is a necessary step in our quest to become more like Him; that is, to obtain physical bodies, to increase in understanding and intelligence, and to develop divine attributes.
When born as spirits, we were all innocent. To qualify for this mortal experience, we were required to avail ourselves of the Savior’s atonement and become innocent again:
Doctrine and Covenants 93:38-3 Every spirit of man was innocent in the beginning; and God having redeemed man from the fall, men became again, in their infant state, innocent before God.
As a father and grandfather, I am a witness to the profound feelings of innocence, purity, and love that come while holding a newborn, beloved child.
Doctrine and Covenants 93:39. And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers.
Along with all the beauty and joy that is available in this fallen, mortal world, we, who were once innocent newborn children, grow and are exposed to hurtful people and situations, to rejection, intimidation, disappointment, hopelessness, vulgarity, violence, greed, selfishness, pain, sickness, and the foreboding of death. These and other mortal realities shock the innocent nature of our early childhood. Even as adults, the sordid circumstances of our earthly existence often cause our hearts to ache. Perhaps as a defense mechanism, or to be accepted by our peers, or because of relentless exposure to the seamier side of life, our repulsion to dark and upsetting realities is chipped away. Over time, we accept these rougher realities and often embrace them.
In my innermost heart there is a glimmer, an extremely faint memory, a vague picture, an inkling of a time and place of peace; an existence rich in profound love, purity, security, acceptance, hope, cheerfulness, and joy. So deep in my soul is this recollection that it rarely manifests itself, being so sacred that it can hardly coexist with life’s stresses and distractions.
Is this elusive reminiscence simply a flashback to my joyful childhood? Is it a yearning to return to the simplicity of my earliest days?
Perhaps my happy childhood is part of it, but this deep memory, this longing for a more noble existence, seems to reflect a complete goodness that goes beyond any possible mortal experience.
As children of God experiencing the conditions of our fallen, mortal world, we yearn for the peace, love, and goodness of our former heavenly home. Our Savior, Jesus the Anointed One, is the epitome of that heavenly peace, love, and goodness. He is our Good Shepherd, guiding us back to our cherished Heavenly Parents, and the exalted life they live.
The following near-death experience, shared by a woman named Peggy, beautifully expresses the joys of heaven that await us. At age forty-five, Peggy’s heart stopped while in surgery:
“The second my heart stopped, I opened my eyes and found myself engulfed in brilliant white light. Being scared was the furthest thing from my mind. I have never felt such peace, joy, contentment, unconditional love, and total acceptance in my entire life! Nothing on this earth compares to the love I felt. Even the light seemed to sparkle with gold dust that felt like love. Being there was the most wonderful, peaceful, protected feeling, and my heart was so filled with joy, I thought it would burst. I never wanted to leave this place….
“They tell me the whole incident lasted less than a minute. In that time, I got a little glimpse of the other side and what awaits me. Love is the most beautiful gift that anyone can give or receive. We all need to nurture our relationships and express our love to those we care about. I see how fragile and short life is, so I now try to live each day to the fullest. I look forward to dying and have no fear whatsoever. It will be when I can go ‘home,’ where I came from. I know that God is with me always. There is a great peace and joy in my heart that wasn’t there before, and I have a new zest for life.” *
I love this life and hope to stay here with my beloved ones for many years to come; but I’m comforted with the belief that, as Katie put it in my novel:
“Sometimes I feel … like I was once part of something very loving and absolutely magnificent! … a completely peaceful and safe place … a place more beautiful than anything I’ve ever experienced on earth, … and I long for it ….”
May we strive to love the way our Savior loves, and create, as far as possible, a more heavenly earth, all the while looking forward to a magnificent heavenly homecoming!
*Greyson, Bruce. After (p. 170-171). St. Martin's Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
